Red States Inexplicably Immune To World Cup Fever

For reasons that science currently can not explain, World Cup fever has not spread to Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, South Carolina, Missouri, Indiana, Kansas, North Carolina, and a few other states. Reports indicate that World Cup fever does seem to have more than a toe-hold in Florida, particularly in the Miami area, and while the fever did take hold of Arizona briefly, it seems to be leaving in droves as of this writing. 

Lester Scrunt of Flagstaff, AZ put it this way:

"Good riddance! We don't need no Commie fag sport here! Buncha fags running around in short shorts who cayn't speak a licka English! Stupid fast-talking beaner radio announcers makin' nuthin' sound like sump'n, talkin' 'bout "goooooooaaaaaaallll!!!!" every time some Spanish-speakin' pansy (I call 'em "spansies") puts a little ball in a huge net. Big deal! Ooooh, 1-0! Let's all flip over cars and light 'em on fire! Fuckin' spansies!"

Arizonans' frustrations may be understandable, given that they are seeing rapidly rising produce prices and a dearth of landscaping, short-order cooks, housekeeping, and child-care workers. "Consuelo has been taking care of my kids and cleaning our home for over four years now, and she up and leaves me with no notice," laments Mrs. Shirl Cartwright,  38, housewife. "Now what am I supposed to do? Is this what they teach them in Mexico? I paid her $5 an hour, in cash, under the table, so she could have a little something to send back home to her kids, and this is the thanks I get?"

Deputy Sheriff Tim McClellan of Tempe puts it this way, "I have had the honor of enforcing Arizona SB-1070, and you would be surprised how many people have the nerve to be offended. I tell them people, 'Look. Alls I'm sayin' is you look like you might could be here illegally. I mean, you're pretty tan. And that is some of the darkest hair I ever seen. Sounds like you're still learnin' English, so I'm gonna hafta see your papers.' And some of these crazy wetbacks came *un-glued*! Talkin' 'bout "I'm a citizen, you asshole!" and 'I'm the governor of New Mexico!' Yeah, right."