Nothin' Says Lovin' Like 2 Buns In The Oven

This is me and my sister. We were sitting in a corner chatting at a party and thought it would be funny to take a "candid" picture of ourselves. My arm is out of frame holding my digital camera, and we're mugging for the shot with fake reactions and even fake discussion. But I like to think it was supposed to go like this:

Her: "I'm pregnant!"

Me: "No way! So cool!"

Her: "I know, isn't it?!"

Me: "I'm so very happy for you. That's fantastic! I love you so much. Congratulations!"

Her: "Thank you! Thank you! I can't wait for you to be an uncle. I know you will be a wonderful, loving, and grounded influence."

Me: "Well, I can teach my nephews (you said you had male twins, right?) how to play Zeppelin tunes, how to use one thumb to both kill a man and bring a woman to mind-blowing orgasm, and how to read, write, and speak conversational Korean."

Her: "Um, okay?"

Me: "You're welcome."

Courting Joe The Strummer

Intelligent, socially aware, and compassionate musicians like Joe the Strummer (RIP), Bono the Singer, Melissa the Lesbian, and Dave the Bohemian know exactly why the world needs Barack Obama right now:
The Republican Party is increasingly becoming the party of greed, intolerance, hatred, and exclusivism. The party of "I got mine, fuck you!"
The party of blame and fear and willful ignorance. The party of sanctimonious, self-righteous arrogance. The world is, arguably, a more dangerous place than ever, and Joe the Strummer and others like him understsand that we will all benefit from an American president whom the world sees as a uniting, calm, and inclusive presence in the White House. One who won't be the world's doormat, but who has already demonstrated clear-headed, rational thinking and a desire to create a better world for everyone. What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

Divide and Conquer

I'm spitting mad. Millions of Americans believe what their Republican leaders tell them. That's elected leaders and Republican media personalities. I'm furious because when Sarah Palin, Rick Davis-- McCain's campaign director, Bill O'Reilly, even John McCain himself, when they say things like "The American people need to know the extent of Senator Obama's relationship to domestic terrorist, Bill Ayers," and "Senator Obama sees America as so flawed that he needs to pal around with terrorists..." and so on, when they say things like that more and more as the election nears, they KNOW they are lying! It isn't just the lying that infuriates me. I expect politicians to stretch the truth beyond reason. Both sides twist the other's policies into caricatures that are more easily ridiculed. But this hateful, racist, fear-mongering, divisive, terrorist talk is beyond the pale. If Obama wins, millions of Americans will believe that a real life terrorist has just been elected to the highest office in the land, or at least that he is a terrorist sympathizer. If McCain wins, millions of Americans will know that their shot at real change, at history-making, race-barrier-shattering hope was stolen from them by a gang of hateful liars. Either way, our president's credibiity and authority will be seriously undermined, and either way, the divide between the left and the right will grow far wider, while the enmity and distrust of each other brews to dangerous levels. There is no good that can come from these willful, deceitful tactics. Winning at all costs and by any means necessary is not only un-American, it is evil and treasonous.

Race

Mother and son look so happy in this photo. It's funny (not in a "haha" way) how different people will see different things when looking at this photo. Despite the adorable little boy's ebullient, cherubic face and his mother's obvious pride, some will see only a woman who demeaned herself and betrayed her race by laying with a black man, and the abominable result of that coupling. That is an overtly racist, extreme view. Another equally racist and extreme view is that of another black man seeking a white woman as some sort of status symbol, as if women of African descent aren't good enough. The opposite to both, yet not-so-extreme-at-all observation is that of a lovely and loving young mother holding her innocent, beautiful baby boy. Full stop.

He is not "other" in her eyes. He came from her. He is part of her. They are as connected as mother and child can be. Among other things, this photograph is a symbol of just how arbitrary and ultimately insignificant our antiquated notions of race really are. It is also an embarassing example of one real difference between "whites" and "blacks" in America. The child is obviously the product of this white woman and a black man. But white people see him as black, "other," not "one of us," whereas black people, for the most part, also readily see him as black, but that is, by definition "one of us." I can't help but conclude that black people are generally more tolerant and accepting than white people. I mean, he is right down the middle. One very white parent, one very black parent. Yet he can not pass for a white guy. But, shouldn't he be able to claim either side equally? And shouldn't whites and blacks alike feel free to claim him as "our own"? The more I dissect this the more frustrated and disgusted I get.

The boy in the picture, in case you haven't figured it out, is Barack Obama. His mother looks a lot like my mother. Our fathers look a little different, but so what? 2,000 generations and 50,000 years ago, all of our ancestors were about to walk out of the African continent for the first time in human history. Everyone alive today, no matter where you live, whether in Alabama, Albania, Australia, or Austria, is a descendant of an African. It's not my opinion. It's not an abstruse interpretation of the fossil record. It's a fucking fact. It's in the genetic record, the genetic map that people much smarter than I have deciphered and illustrated.

Race is a sham. Race is a scam. A shell game. Don't buy it! It's for losers.

Damn, I'm Gonna Miss You Hot, Crazy Republican Bitches

No matter who wins the presidential election, one thing's for sure- George Bush and his entire camp of nitwits will be out on their asses! And that can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Hang on a second. Who is this vision in pink and blonde? Dana Perino, the last of the Bush administration's empty-headed puppets... er... um... press secretaries. Oh my. Excuse me, Ms. Perino, I believe I dropped my briefs on your floor. How clumsy of me. Do you think you could help me out here? I wrote this speech and I can't help but wonder how it would sound coming on.. from! that amazing mouth of yours. Yeah... that's it. Mmmm... way to "Eliza Doolittle" it. Sounds like you've got marbles in your mouth. The blame for the shame of ignorance of Spain falls wholly on McCain. Repeat! "Ra rame ror ra rame or rame rars rayry or rararain." By Jove, I think she's got it!

Now, I know I might be over-confident at this still-early stage, but the Obama/Biden ticket has a seven point lead! Exactly 30 days to go and my guy is well ahead! I'm very excited! Woo hoo! Yay! Oh... hold on a sec. That will mean no more Nancy Pfotenhauer (pronounced foten-hower), senior advisor to the McCain campaign.

Nancy, I'm SOOOO conflicted! On the one hand, I can't wait to see your candidate give his concession speech and fade into the annals of history. On the other hand, paraphrasing Prince, I'd sincerely like to Pfuck the taste out of your mouth. I mean, you look pretty Pfit for a Pforty-something mother of Pfour. Pforgive me Pfor being so Pflagrantly Pfoul. I just can't Pfight this Pfeeling.
Oh yeah. I'm gonna miss you.


Oooooo... Ms. School Marm....
I think I'll miss you the most. Before you go, I hope you'll hold me after class. I've been a very bad boy, and I intend to show you just how bad I can be.
I bet that bun comes down with one motion. Bowwwm-chaka-bowwm-chaka-chaka-bow-wow.
Yes, ma'am. I should never have played doctor with my 10th grade classmate, Jennifer, behind the bungalow. I'm sorry you had to see that.
You didn't see it, you say?
I'm sure we can correct that oversight. Sorry, I know you don't approve of oversight. I meant... er... "drill, baby, drill!" That's what I wanna do. Right over there on your sofa/taxidermied grizzly bear. I'm gonna treat you like that moose on your wall- stuffed and mounted- and then send you packing back to Alaska. You betcha.

Sagredo apologizes for such sexist trash. Sagredo just can't help himself.

America- Palin's Talkin' To Ya

She did a lot better than I expected, but then I expected her to freeze and stand there silently for about 20 seconds before bursting into tears crying, "I don't know what I'm doing here! I wanna go home!"
So she did better than that. But that's not saying much. The fact is she evaded most of the questions, preferring to find a way, however inartfully, to wind her way to one of the handful of carefully rehearsed talking points she crammed for at McCain's Sedona ranch these last four days. Even her usually charming folksy-cutesy stuff seemed canned and awkward. She demonstrated no knowledge of foreign policy, world affairs, American military policies, or the economy. She added nothing to the debate, and I mean our national debate: who has the best plans for moving our country forward? In the end, though, she did no harm, and I suppose that's all the McCain folks were hoping for. After all, it could have been a lot worse.