Saturday, October 4, 2008

Damn, I'm Gonna Miss You Hot, Crazy Republican Bitches

No matter who wins the presidential election, one thing's for sure- George Bush and his entire camp of nitwits will be out on their asses! And that can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Hang on a second. Who is this vision in pink and blonde? Dana Perino, the last of the Bush administration's empty-headed puppets... er... um... press secretaries. Oh my. Excuse me, Ms. Perino, I believe I dropped my briefs on your floor. How clumsy of me. Do you think you could help me out here? I wrote this speech and I can't help but wonder how it would sound coming on.. from! that amazing mouth of yours. Yeah... that's it. Mmmm... way to "Eliza Doolittle" it. Sounds like you've got marbles in your mouth. The blame for the shame of ignorance of Spain falls wholly on McCain. Repeat! "Ra rame ror ra rame or rame rars rayry or rararain." By Jove, I think she's got it!



Now, I know I might be over-confident at this still-early stage, but the Obama/Biden ticket has a seven point lead! Exactly 30 days to go and my guy is well ahead! I'm very excited! Woo hoo! Yay! Oh... hold on a sec. That will mean no more Nancy Pfotenhauer (pronounced foten-hower), senior advisor to the McCain campaign.

Nancy, I'm SOOOO conflicted! On the one hand, I can't wait to see your candidate give his concession speech and fade into the annals of history. On the other hand, paraphrasing Prince, I'd sincerely like to Pfuck the taste out of your mouth. I mean, you look pretty Pfit for a Pforty-something mother of Pfour. Pforgive me Pfor being so Pflagrantly Pfoul. I just can't Pfight this Pfeeling.
Oh yeah. I'm gonna miss you.


Oooooo... Ms. School Marm....
I think I'll miss you the most. Before you go, I hope you'll hold me after class. I've been a very bad boy, and I intend to show you just how bad I can be.
I bet that bun comes down with one motion. Bowwwm-chaka-bowwm-chaka-chaka-bow-wow.
Yes, ma'am. I should never have played doctor with my 10th grade classmate, Jennifer, behind the bungalow. I'm sorry you had to see that.
You didn't see it, you say?
I'm sure we can correct that oversight. Sorry, I know you don't approve of oversight. I meant... er... "drill, baby, drill!" That's what I wanna do. Right over there on your sofa/taxidermied grizzly bear. I'm gonna treat you like that moose on your wall- stuffed and mounted- and then send you packing back to Alaska. You betcha.

Sagredo apologizes for such sexist trash. Sagredo just can't help himself.

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