Disappointing Box Office For Cage's Summer Offering Can Mean Only One Thing: Blowjobs

North Hollywood, CA-

"It's a good thing I've begun to establish a client base," said the once-respected actor, referring to his recent foray into manual genital stimulation to supplement his ever declining salary. "Now, with pole smoking being added to the menu, hopefully word-of-mouth will generate some genuine interest," said a sanguine Cage, teetering on the brink of has-beendom, adding, "Get it? Word-of-mouth."

The Oscar-winning actor's three-year financial downward spiral has essentially forced him to accept roles that might not be in his best interest in terms of longevity, future box office, credibility, the respect of his peers, retaining a fan base, salary demands, offers for good parts, leading roles, indie film roles, consideration for ensemble cast projects, supporting roles, corporate endorsements, television series, television commercial spots, radio commercial spots, Broadway productions, off-Broadway productions, Shakespeare in the Park, local theater, dinner theater, Chuck E. Cheese, or dignity, instead accepting work for the expedient paycheck.

"I thought working with Disney would be a sure-fire way to get back on track," opined the butt of current Hollywood jokes. "But someone told me recently that Disney audiences aren't willing to watch a crazy guy that they don't like." Nor do any other audiences, apparently. 

"I guess my much-publicized marriage and divorce to Patricia Arquette put some people off. She is a little wacky. And then my more publicized marriage and even quicker divorce to a much crazier Lisa Marie Presley may have caused others to judge me unfairly," the actor-turned-prostitute lamented.

Fickle Jesus: Can He Be Counted On?

Having begun his boxing career in the Philippines at just 16 years old and only 108 pounds, not even Manny Pacquiao himself probably ever imagined he'd win title belts in seven different weight classes, the latest of which is all the way up in the 147 pound welterweight division. Yet that is precisely what he did tonight against all odds, taking on the heavy favorite and natural welterweight, Puerto Rico's Miguel Cotto. Through his translator in the post-fight interview, the victorious Pacquiao stated: "First and foremost all the credit must go to my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. In Him all things are possible, and without him nothing is possible." The champion added, "Yes, just to be safe I do have one of the world's greatest boxing trainers in my camp, and I do put in many long hours in the gym honing my skills and working very hard on my strength and endurance, and to stay focused I live at training camp and have no contact with my wife and children for the ten weeks prior to the fight... but all of that preparation means nothing. Jesus is the true winner here tonight, and the only reason I had my hand raised in victory at the end."

This reporter then turned his attention to the loser to get his thoughts on the result. Did he underestimate Pacquiao? Did he bring the wrong game plan for this opponent? Had he slacked off in training camp? "I don't understand," he stammered in broken English, "I prayed very, very hard for this fight. I have dedicated my entire life to just three things, God, my family, and boxing, in that order. I was an altar boy. I give twenty percent of every purse I earn in the ring to the church. I have attended church service every Sunday and Wednesday, without exception, for my entire life," explained a dumbfounded Cotto. "I finance missionary expeditions to the far corners of the world to spread God's Word! We hold bible studies in our home! Our home!" lamented the exasperated former champion. "I have put my faith entirely in Jesus! 100%! I have never doubted the truth of bible verses such as 'I can do all things through Him who strengthens me,' Philippians 4:13, and '...Jesus said to them... with God all things are possible,' Matthew 19:26," quoted the visibly shaken erstwhile devout Christian. "I believed this stuff, man! Where was Jesus tonight, though?! Hmm?! Where the fuck was He?!! I based my entire life on this Shit! Entire relationships have been built on this Bullshit! My wife? Hell, we got nothing in common if we ain't got church in our lives. She can start packing her shit right now. Theres no way that motherfucker prayed harder than me! No way! If Jesus is real he let me down, big time! Yo, fuck Jesus, man!"

Fortunately, I was able to raise Jesus (no pun intended) to offer Him an opportunity to weigh in on these fighters' comments. "Well done, Manny Pacquiao. Your faith has been rewarded for all to see! You are truly a light in this world, My child," praised the 1st century itinerant wood-worker and rabbi. Turning his attention to Mr. Cotto He then had this to say: "It pains Me deeply to see any sheep among My flock suffering physically, or with insidious doubt. It is even more troubling to see one of My own stray from the fold," said a tearful Jesus. "Verily I say unto you that each and every one of you is precious in My sight, not the least of which is My dear child, Miguel. I shall forever abide in his heart and shall be here for him in his darkest hours," comforted the saviour sincerely. "That said," continued the crucifixion survivor, "I am God. Hello?! Did he not think I knew even before he was born that he would punk out on me like this?! Talkin' 'bout 'He let me down, big time,' and 'If Jesus is real..' If? IF?!! Fuck Me, Miguel?! Fuck ME?!! No, fuck thee, ye bitch of little faith! It's called omniscience, punchy. Look into it!"

Daddy, I Want An Oompah-Loompah, Now!

 

Oompa Loompah

 Doopah-dee-dah

 If you're not greedy you will go far

You will live in happiness, too

Like the Oompah Loompah...

 doopah-dee do!

Area Teen Prays No One Notices How Long His Showers Have Gotten Recently

Tommy Houk, 14, of Painesville, Ohio, prays to Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Zeus, Krishna, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, and Bob Dobbs every night to keep his parents and his big sister, Colleen, from asking him why his showers have gotten so lengthy of late. He thought of telling them that he simply takes his hygiene seriously now, but he's pretty sure no one would buy that one.

Red States Inexplicably Immune To World Cup Fever

For reasons that science currently can not explain, World Cup fever has not spread to Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, South Carolina, Missouri, Indiana, Kansas, North Carolina, and a few other states. Reports indicate that World Cup fever does seem to have more than a toe-hold in Florida, particularly in the Miami area, and while the fever did take hold of Arizona briefly, it seems to be leaving in droves as of this writing. 

Lester Scrunt of Flagstaff, AZ put it this way:

"Good riddance! We don't need no Commie fag sport here! Buncha fags running around in short shorts who cayn't speak a licka English! Stupid fast-talking beaner radio announcers makin' nuthin' sound like sump'n, talkin' 'bout "goooooooaaaaaaallll!!!!" every time some Spanish-speakin' pansy (I call 'em "spansies") puts a little ball in a huge net. Big deal! Ooooh, 1-0! Let's all flip over cars and light 'em on fire! Fuckin' spansies!"

Arizonans' frustrations may be understandable, given that they are seeing rapidly rising produce prices and a dearth of landscaping, short-order cooks, housekeeping, and child-care workers. "Consuelo has been taking care of my kids and cleaning our home for over four years now, and she up and leaves me with no notice," laments Mrs. Shirl Cartwright,  38, housewife. "Now what am I supposed to do? Is this what they teach them in Mexico? I paid her $5 an hour, in cash, under the table, so she could have a little something to send back home to her kids, and this is the thanks I get?"

Deputy Sheriff Tim McClellan of Tempe puts it this way, "I have had the honor of enforcing Arizona SB-1070, and you would be surprised how many people have the nerve to be offended. I tell them people, 'Look. Alls I'm sayin' is you look like you might could be here illegally. I mean, you're pretty tan. And that is some of the darkest hair I ever seen. Sounds like you're still learnin' English, so I'm gonna hafta see your papers.' And some of these crazy wetbacks came *un-glued*! Talkin' 'bout "I'm a citizen, you asshole!" and 'I'm the governor of New Mexico!' Yeah, right."

Broke Nicolas Cage Forced To Sell Property, Handjobs

Los Angeles CA-

Academy Award-winning actor, Nicolas Cage, star of the popular "National Treasure" films, claims that his business manager swindled him out of millions. CPA Samuel J. Levin managed Cage's investments from 2001 to 2008, at which time several "risky real estate investments" went belly up, resulting in "catastrophic losses" for the star of such films as "Leaving Las Vegas," "Adaptation," "Valley Girl," "Moonstruck," "The Rock," "Guarding Tess," and "Con Air." Losses, Cage claims, that have forced him to supplement his feature-film fee by any means necessary. I caught up with the actor (pictured at left during a recent transaction) beneath the Lankershim Blvd. overpass at the 101 Freeway in North Hollywood. 

"Twenty bucks for a quick tug, forty to finish," pitched the classically trained actor doing, to this reporter, a spot-on impression of Vince the Sham-Wow guy. Sorry... homage. I quickly explained that that was not why I was there. "C'mon, it's not every day you get to jizz on an Oscar winner," replied the shirtless Cage. "That is, unless your commute is along this stretch of highway," he added.

Whatever turmoil he may be going through, the Method actor hasn't lost his chops. After a brief negotiation period the interview was under way. "So how did you find yourself in these dire straits, Mr. Cage?" I inquired. "Well... Sagredo, is it? Hey, you paisan'? No? Anyway, like most Americans, I was in Mombasa, Kenya in the fall of 2008, meeting with imprisoned Somali pirates as part of my job as U.N. Goodwill Ambassador on Drugs and Crime," he began. "And, like most Americans, after my private jet taxied into the secure hangar at LAX and my bodyguard and I were met in the limo by my supermodel wife, I was informed that not one, but TWO of my New Orleans estates had been foreclosed on! TWO!"

"That must be rough, losing all your New Orleans property like that," I sympathized. "No, not all," he corrected, "just the two. There's still the Tudor in the Garden District. But I'll probably have to sell it and another property in England before this nightmare is over."  "That's right!" I recalled. "Didn't you buy two castles in Great Britain in 2007, for something like $20M?" "No, no. It was only one castle, in Bath, and two mansions, for only around $12M," he pointed out. "I'm pretty sure that was 12 million British Pounds, Mr. Cage," I opined. "Pounds, dollars, who can follow this stuff? I'm not an ecologist! Look, I know what you're thinking," the actor said under one raised eyebrow. "But my drunken spending and complete disregard for the concept of over-extending myself has nothing to do with my current financial problems. My manager should have stopped my wanton shopping, and he should have seen this global banking meltdown coming. Period!"

It's hard not to feel for this $15M per movie national treasure. Won't you please dig deep and give generously? I donated $40 already, and would be happy to deliver your contributions personally. Send checks, money orders, even cash... yeah, just make it cash, to: 

P.O. Box 21473

Chatsworth, CA 91311

Constant Craving: The Buddha's Wisdom

In my last post I laid out the foundation of the Buddha's teaching, commonly known as The Four Noble Truths. It was mentioned that this is sometimes translated as The Four Ennobling Truths, which is the translation I prefer because it is more accurate, but more importantly, because it puts the emphasis on the individual where it belongs. The phrase in the original Pali dialect is Cattari Ariya Saccani (Sanskrit: Catvari Arya Satyani). Those words do mean "four," "noble," and "truths," respectively, however the noble part, Ariya, was a word referring to people, not things. It would do us good to recall what "noble" means in our own language. Like many words, noble has many meanings, but in this context the definition is "possessing superiority of mind, character, ideals, and/or morals," or "having excellent qualities." So we could say, "The Four Truths for the Spiritually Noble," or perhaps better, "The Four Truths that Lead to Spiritual Ennoblement." Further, sacca (plural: saccani; Sanskrit: satya, plural: satyani) means "truth" or "real," or it can mean "actual thing." The implication is that the Buddha was talking about fundamental reality; things he actually experienced and knew to be true. Considering all of this, we should properly view this teaching as "Four Fundamental Facts Which, When Apprehended Properly, Will Enrich And Ennoble The Spiritual Seeker." It sure is a lot easier to just say, The Four Noble Truths. So I will from here on.

To recapitulate these Four Noble Truths:

1. There is suffering (birth, aging, illness, death, having what we don't want, wanting what we don't have)
2. There is a cause of suffering (our own desire/aversion/craving)
3. There is the cessation of suffering (enlightenment, awareness, "One-ness," "nirvana")
4. There is a practical path leading to the cessation of suffering (the Eightfold Path)

Buddhism can justifiably be thought of as a science of the mind; a discipline for mental and emotional health. Two and half millenia before Freud, the Buddha made amazingly insightful observations of the human mind. First, it was very clever of him to realize that our craving, or desire, was the crux of the issue. We can call it wanting. For example, one often thinks: "I want to not be in the financial straits I currently find myself in." Of course they don't put it that way to themselves. It's more like: "I'm so sick of these money problems!" or "I wish I wasn't such a broke-ass loser!" Almost instantly associated with this thought is the inverse: "I want a substantial inflow of money," (or "I need a good job," or "I gotta find a better way to make a living"). There's almost no end to the thoughts on this theme: "I wish I had gotten a post-graduate degree," "I should have gone to college," "Why didn't I finish that apprenticeship ten years ago?" "That bitch landlady is always riding my ass! She knows she's gonna get paid!" And so on. It's all wanting what we don't have, or having what we don't want. Desire/aversion. The inability to accept the present moment as it is.

Yes, being broke can be unpleasant. No one wants the landlord to post an eviction notice on their door or have their power turned off. But whatever is happening is what is happening, and all you can do is take the appropriate action if there is any action to take. Beyond that, what good does it do to continually turn the situation over in your mind, wishing that the present reality was a different reality? There's an old Zen Buddhist saying, "Wish in one hand and shit in the other; see which hand fills up first." Perhaps that's why they use only one hand for clapping. But I digress. The situation may be unpleasant, but the thinking and lamenting is a choice, and therefore, so is the suffering.

When the circumstances change for the better, our suffering is relieved, but only temporarily. Having not yet changed our own desire/aversion pattern, we are doomed to suffer again and repeatedly. A child wants, say, a shiny new bicycle for his birthday, and he wants it more than anything in the world. Scenario 1: He doesn't get it, and he is inconsolable. Scenario 2: He does get it, and he is filled with joy. We all know this experience, both of them, actually, very well. We've all felt the bitter disappointment of not getting something we desperately wanted, and the elation of getting it. As children, understandably, we made the connection that it was the thing itself, in either getting it or not getting it, that made us happy or sad. This is where we learned that getting things makes us happy, and so the pattern of acquiring stuff to fill our emptiness began. The right car, the right house, the right job, the right spouse. He who dies with the most toys wins, they say. Conversely, losing any of these things is real bad, we tell ourselves.

The Buddha's brilliant insight into this process, taking our kid and the bicycle example, was that it was never the bicycle that created the joy: it was the abatement of his wanting. He no longer wanted for anything in the universe, if only momentarily, and his joy knew no bounds. Of course the flipside is true as well: because his desire was intense, his suffering was nearly unbearable (not because he didn't get the bicycle). This desire/aversion dynamic is incessant and below our normal awareness. Until we begin a meditation practice, most of us have no idea just how incredibly busy our minds are, chitter-chattering away, bouncing from one thought to the next in an endless juggling act that only slows down in moments of deep concentration or inebriation. They call it the "monkey mind" in Buddhist circles. In meditation we begin to observe the monkey mind and we can see what it's doing. Remarkably, it's everywhere but the present moment. It's going over wish-lists for future gratification, or worrying over endless permutations of future mortification. When it's not doing that, it's mulling over past victories, regrets, resentments, and glories. From the mundane ("Should I thaw the chicken for dinner?") to the major ("I just know this mole on my neck is cancer!").

It isn't that any one thought is "bad," or that thinking is wrong and should be avoided at all costs. It's that the thinking is incessant, and generally not helpful, even harmful to us. Upon reflection we see that we live in a near-constant state of flux, moving between wanting what we don't have and resistant to having what we don't want. The result is a general feeling of emptiness coupled with, naturally, the desire to not feel that emptiness; to fill it with something. We try to fill it with things. The Buddha suggests another path.

What Is Buddhism?: A Proper Introduction

Although it is called the fourth largest religion in the world, at its core Buddhism really isn't a religion; practitioners are not called to worship any deities (no, the Buddha is not portrayed as or considered a god). Arguably, perhaps, it would be more appropriate to call Buddhism a discipline or practice, or even a philosophy, than a religion. I say this because the primary aim of Buddhism, from the first instruction 2500 years ago to this present moment, is to alleviate suffering. When the newly enlightened Gautama Buddha began to teach his new practical approach to an awakened life in the various villages he passed through, he would invariably be asked, "So, what do you teach, exactly?" His standard reply was, "I teach only suffering and the end of suffering."
Buddhism is nothing more than a practical approach to living an awakened life free of suffering. When the Buddha (which simply means "awakened one") began to share his insight with others, the first thing he taught was the Four Noble Truths, sometimes translated as the Four Ennobling Truths, which would become the cornerstone of his teachings. These Ennobling Truths are:

1. There is suffering in life- By virtue of having a body and a mind one will inevitably encounter suffering. The tot bumps his head, the toddler skins her knee. The child discovers intense wanting-- for treats, toys, etc.-- and aversion-- not wanting bumped heads and skinned knees-- and this cycle of desire/aversion only tends to gain in intensity and complexity as we age. This leads us to the second Noble Truth...
2. Our own desire/aversion is the cause of our suffering- This might not seem so obvious (or even true) to us, at first. After all, bad things do happen to us through no apparent fault of our own: we're laid off from work, diagnosed with a debilitating or fatal disease, a loved one dies, and so on. These things are all legitimately painful, and unavoidable. But pain is not the same as suffering. Pain happens when our circumstances change-- a pristine knee becomes a skinned one, our good health becomes ill health, our living loved one passes away; suffering happens when we are unable to accept this change, to accept what is. In other words, it is our desire for things to be other than as they are that creates our suffering.
   
3. It is possible to no longer suffer- At this point the Buddha is making a positive statement of great conviction. All your worrying, your grief, your emptiness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, worthlessness, your demons, regrets, resentments, all of it, can be abated, even relieved entirely. To me, the third Noble Truth is offered as a toe-hold for the lost seeker, a point of faith for those of us struggling through life looking for a better way. The Buddha is telling us in no uncertain terms that even an ordinary person like you can learn to live a peaceful, compassionate, loving, and serene life.
   
4. The end of suffering can be realized through the Noble Eightfold Path- Lest we thought the Buddha was getting all esoteric and supernatural on us with the third Noble Truth's article of faith, he drops an eminently practical path on us. To the degree that we can cultivate certain qualities through mindful and diligent practice we will relieve our suffering. There is no appeal to magic or imaginary beings. Instead we are asked to pay close attention to our thoughts, words, and actions, and to work hard on ourselves to cultivate loving-kindness, or "mettha" in the original Pali dialect. Elsewhere, the Buddha and later masters would elaborate on this idea, stating that changing the world for the better-- to increase net joy and relieve net suffering-- begins with our own ability to transform our suffering into loving-kindness. Again, this transformation is achieved through the Eightfold Path, often symbolized by an eight-spoked wheel, which is itself a list of qualities one is entreated to nurture.

To expound on the Noble (or Ennobling) Eightfold Path will require another post, I think, but I would not want to leave it here without at least naming these qualities that the Buddha has asserted will lead to the end of suffering. They are usually translated with the word "Right" as in "correct," as opposed to "wrong," and for that reason I prefer the less commonly used "Appropriate." Each of these can be expanded on extensively, and have been, but I will give only a brief sketch for now. So here we are:

1. Appropriate View (or "Right" View, and sometimes "View" is given as "Understanding") Essentially, seeing things as they are, rather than as we are. With appropriate view we understand that the bully is actually in great pain, for example.
   
2. Appropriate Intention (sometimes "Thought"). Especially in the early stages of our practice, our thoughts run wild and are often inappropriate and undermine our serenity. Meditation teaches us to master our thinking, and being vigilant in our mindfulness of our sincere intention to free ourselves and others of suffering is paramount.
   
3. Appropriate Speech- Knowing that even our words have consequences (and positive effects that ripple out in ways beyond our awareness), the Buddhist abstains from lying speech, divisive speech, abusive speech, and gossip. Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book, "The Four Agreements," calls this "[being]... impeccable with your Word."
   
4. Appropriate Action- Similar idea; if our words have positive and negative effects, how much more so do our deeds? In the larger sense this is an admonition to abstain from killing, stealing, and engaging in "sexual misconduct" (rape, of course, and obsessive or addictive sexual behavior), and in the refined sense it is being mindful of our every action and striving to always act in a way that is in harmony with our appropriate view, intentions, and speech.
   
5. Appropriate Livelihood- One should not earn one's living from any venture that increases suffering in the world. Meat-packing, bar tending, soldiering, are some fairly obvious ones, but others could easily be oil company geologist (or any oil-related position), certain lawyers, bankers, corporate executives, and more. The more awake we become, the more difficult it becomes to continue buying our bread with money made from or contributing to the suffering of others.
   
6. Appropriate Effort- The sort of change that will transform suffering and reveal enlightenment does not come easily. It is a simple path, but not an easy one. The Buddhist strives to maintain her enthusiasm and effort through the periods of discomfort and doubt.
   
7. Appropriate Mindfulness- a.k.a. Right Attention, is about honing your awareness to the point of being alert to anything that effects you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Be aware, for example, of the craving you have for something harmful, e.g. a cigarette, alcohol, a cheesecake, sex with a stranger, and observe the dynamic that plays out in your thoughts. Be mindful of your intentions, words, and actions. Watch how your effort declines. What has happened?
   
8. Appropriate Concentration- Particularly applicable to a meditation practice, the quality being cultivated is mastery of the mind. The state of "One-ness" as described in deep states of meditative awareness reminds me of the the Judeo-Christian saying, "Be still and know that I am God." In more Eastern terms, if I can be aware of my being aware, who is this "I" that I refer to?
   

There is so much more to go into, but it's late and "I" am tired.

Namaste

I Am A Racist And, Hopefully, So Are You

When I say I'm a racist, what I mean is that I have come to the conclusion that our culture perpetuates certain myths about race-- black, white, and others-- that leave almost imperceptible biases deeply embedded in our psyches. I happen to be white, for the record. For example, I was not raised in an overtly racist home, and my parents were registered Democrats with very socially liberal views, and I knew, intellectually, from a very young age that people really are basically the same all over. But in my early twenties I noticed that I got a very uncomfortable feeling whenever I was around a "successful" black man. It was something visceral, below the level of conscious thought. I hadn't noticed it before, but I realized that it probably had always been there. This was very troubling, because if I could have given a voice to this feeling, it would have said something like, "How did he rise to this level? Who in the hell does this uppity n_____ think he is?" It wasn't a conscious choice, and those words didn't actually come to mind. It was more instinctual. It was just a wordless (thoughtless, actually) feeling of unease.

It was a shocking realization. I was, and remain, a staunch social liberal. I'm for equal rights, gay rights, women's rights, the ACLU, and so on. I'm intimately aware of the implications of Darwinian evolution and the prevailing "Out of Africa" theory on our species [hint: all living people can trace their lineage back to not only a common ancestor, but to a common African ancestor]. Yet here I was with this sickening and deeply flawed sense of my own racial superiority, and the converse, black inferiority. I couldn't deny it once I had allowed myself to see it. I was disgusted with myself.

But then I had a crazy thought. Maybe this is how a post-racial world begins. Maybe it's not about white people donating to black causes, buying hip-hop albums, and counting black people as among "some of their closest friends." Maybe it's about questioning our own assumptions, re-evaluating some of our own conclusions, rooting out the old baggage that we really don't want to carry anymore, and reconditioning some of our conditioned responses. Maybe it's about acknowledging, if only to ourselves (but especially to ourselves), any and all intolerant thoughts and feelings, and then having the courage to challenge them and ask ourselves, "Is this in alignment with my values? Is this how I would choose to see the world? Is this what I would teach my children? Is this how I would wish to be seen and remembered?" This is why I say I am a racist. I'm not proud of the intolerant thoughts, but I am extremely proud of my awareness of them and of my willingness to change. I'm happy to report that it does help, this vigilance, and change does happen. Try to remember that I started from a position that most would consider progressive, liberal, and tolerant. I think I was and am those things-- but I also had/have some of those nagging thoughts and feelings. I wonder where they come from.

Last night I caught Tom Burrell, African-American advertising mogul and author of "Brainwashed: Challenging the Myth of Black Inferiority" on the Tavis Smiley show (check your local PBS listings). Fantastic show, as usual, and a fantastic guest. The man really connected the dots for me in his brief interview promoting the book. He says that although the black community can and should challenge black fathers to stick around and work at being good fathers and husbands, they should remember that until just a few generations ago it was illegal for black men to be fathers and husbands. They were studs meant for siring property. Their mates and offspring could be sold and shipped off at any time, and usually were. White slave-masters actively discouraged familial bonding among their slaves because such relationships made them seem too much like real people, to both the whites and the slaves, themselves. Better for slave and slave-master alike to view them as property; better for the institution of slavery, that is.

Another gem he shared in that vein was that it was necessary to dehumanize the African slaves in the infancy of our nation, more so than in other places and times, precisely because the United States of America had bravely entered into the Great Experiment of genuine democracy. Genuine democracy and state sponsored abject slavery are contradictory concepts. They call it cognitive dissonance when the mind attempts to hold two mutually exclusive ideas simultaneously. You can not write and embrace the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution and support the enslavement of your fellow man. Slavery must either be abolished or justified. Since it was already a two-hundred year old practice in Europe and the colonies by the time of the American Revolution, the founders chose to justify it. It was imperative that the African slaves be less than human. Unlike the Jews and others who have been enslaved, historically, yet were able to maintain a cohesive sense of identity, the Africans who came to America against their will were stripped of their religions, their cultures, their languages, their families, and even their hopes of ever having families. They had no identity. They were just property; truly just things, in the eyes of their white masters, and in their own eyes, as well. I can not even begin to imagine what that must be like. And I don't want to.

It was that whole Democracy vs. Slavery angle that really kind of showed me a slightly different way of looking at race in America and helped me to get just a glimpse of what it must be like to be a black man in America. We all have deep psychic wounds from this abhorrent past. It is no wonder that misconceptions and mistrust persist. It is no wonder that the black community (for lack of a better term) suffers to this day. It is no wonder that an otherwise sensitive, intelligent, and compassionate young white man can have such distasteful and demonstrably false thoughts arise from seemingly out of nowhere. We should, all of us Americans, take a step back and a deep breath, and reflect on where we've been, where we are, and where we'd like to go. And then we should try to be a little gentler with ourselves and each other.

Anyway, the book is not all doom and gloom. Mr. Burrell points out that when you start to see your own conditioning, or brainwashing, you start to "flip the script." In fact, it is only by seeing your own false programming that you can hope to overcome it. It sounds like a fabulous read and I can't wait to get my hands on a copy.

This Obamanation Will Be The Death of Everyone You Love!

Did you know that Obama is a Kenyan Muslim Communist Nazi whose administration is even now manoeuvring to release thousands of Al-Qaeda terrorists upon your city to abduct your children so that he may personally anally violate them, cut their heads off, and dance a Satanic jig down Main street drenched in their blood? Yes, jig. This is reliable information given to us from an unnamed source who claims to be close to someone who knows an Obama administration insider's blood relative; so you know it's true.
What happened to the America we all knew so well from "Leave It To Beaver" and "The Andy Griffith Show" reruns? Are we going to just idly sit by while these Socialists strip away our rights, one at a time? Are we going to just bend over and take it when they force homosexuality down our throats? Just as God doesn't hate gays, neither do we. We just recognize that the Bible clearly says that gays are an abomination and should be put to death. That's all. We can (and should) exterminate them compassionately if they can not be cured of their mental defect.
Are we going to allow them to continue to erode our Christian values? You all saw those bleeding-heart liberals fight desperately to provide affordable healthcare to working-class American families who previously couldn't afford insurance while we true Christians shouted them down to support those poor insurance companies who were just trying to make an honest buck. That's free enterprise! That's American capitalism! WWJD?
Those Obamunists are going to take our guns, open our borders to Muslim terrorists and homos, and worse, to Muslim homo terrorists. And without our guns, they'll catch us with our pants down. This is the end of days, folks. He is the anti-Christ. We will not condone or solicit violence, but you know what to do.

Yay, Greedy Insurance Companies Get Millions More Customers!

I realize that I get more and more interested in politics the older I get, so I may have missed a few legislative wars in my forty-some years, but I can not recall a more protracted and nasty political fight as this was. Yes, Bill Clinton fought more or less the same battle and lost, but apparently he didn't have the full support of Democrats like President Obama does. Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. In any case, good news! In just four years things will be slightly better for a few Americans, and insurance companies can continue raping their customers with abandon. Sure, it'll be a somewhat tamer form of rape, like date rape, where you go out with a guy a couple times and maybe you were thinking about sleeping with him soon anyway, but then he must have slipped you a roofie because you wake up hours later with your clothes half off, tender genitals, and the faint smells of latex, lubricant and spermicide linger in the air. As opposed to their current method akin to Richard "The Night Stalker" Ramirez's brand of terror-rape-murder, the details of which need not be enumerated. I hope this bill is a step in the right direction.
But it has become very clear with the two biggest crises affecting this country, banking/economic reform and healthcare reform, that the 1% with all the money really are calling the shots. This healthcare bill is anemic and does not even come close to the single-payer plan that Ted Kennedy and other liberals endorsed, and Senator Dodd's Wall Street reform bill is similarly watered-down crap. It's all just smoke they're blowing up our asses. They call it reform but there are no significant regulations. They have not reinstated the Glass-Steagall Act from the Depression era which was repealed in 1999 by the Republican majority in Congress. There is no public option in this healthcare bill. It's really business as usual.
Let's move to France!